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Reject Reality: Embrace the Absurd
I am but mad north by northwest...
Fast Times at NAMBLA High: Part 8 
20th-Mar-2007 09:07 pm
Aretha Putin
Title: Fast Times at NAMBLA High: Part Eight
Author: Your’s truly
Fandom: The Daily Show... with a smattering of guest appearances.
Pairing: Including but not limited to:
Jon/Stephen, Stephen/Paul, Stephen/Craig Kilborn, Jon/Anderson Cooper, Paul/Amy, Rob/Frustration, Ed/Confusion, (Rob/Frustration)/(Ed/Confusion), Mo Rocca/Lewis Black, Sam/Jason, Demetri Martin/Nathan Corddry, Bob Novak/Hair nets, Aasif Mandvi/Tucker Carlson, Stone Phillips/Barbara Walters, Dan Bakkedahl/Rob Riggle, Dane Cook/His ego, Dave Gorman/John Oliver, Jerry Seinfeld/Steve Carell, Bill O’Reilly/Hatred, Keith Olbermann/Everyone, John Hodgeman/Bill Gates, Tucker/Craig, Aasif/Anderson, John Hodgeman/Sarah Vowell, Will Ferrell/MOP?, Keith/Dennis Leary, George Clooney/Charm
Featured pairing(s): Nate/Demetri, Dave/John, Steve/Jerry, Mo/Accidents, Rob/Ed mentioned
Rating: PG-13 for bad words
Warning: Crack: it's what's for dinner. Other warnings: AU, drug use, underage drinking, het crap, and Will Ferrell being creepy. For this specific chapter? I used the word “familiar” twice in one paragraph… yeah, I can’t think of any warnings. Shut up.
A/N: So I was all “omg I need to work on other projects” in my head but of course my brain is militant and wouldn’t let this line in the story go. So enjoy. I’m going to pretend that there isn’t another part coming for a long time since that seems to be the key for me being inspired to write.
Length: 4402
Feedback: Feedback helps my crack addiction. Give generously.
Previous chapters:
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Four Point Five: An Interlude of sorts
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Summary: I got tired of the old summary, so for those of you new to this:

It's like if a non-idiotic form of the OC had sex with TDS and TCR in some sort of mad-crazy threesome and had a baby that they raised in my home town and forced to watch too much CNN. I swear I’ll come up with a better summary :-(


In this edition of FTANH: Rob and Ed are not gay, Demetri is weird, fire abounds, Jerry removes his head from his ass, and Nate panics.





FAST TIMES AT NAMBLA HIGH
Part Eight





Nate rubbed his eyes tiredly, swinging his locker door open and peering inside. Shaking his head to rid himself of the fuzzy feeling that refused to leave, he finally found his book under the pile of garbage (how had he accumulated so much shit in only a few days?) and slammed the door shut.

Today was going to be a long day. He could feel it. He was so fucking exhausted. Sure, it was partly his own fault, what with playing Grand Theft Auto for so long into the night before but he had been driven to it out of desperation. Why, might you ask? Well, he had been trying to ignore certain… noises coming from the room beside his own. His bed rested against the wall that separated him from his brother.

Nate had been trying his best to pretend nothing was going on. He knew something was up between Rob and Ed… he just did NOT want to know what that something was. He figured it was the duty of any younger teenage brother to act like nothing was afoot and he most certainly was not aware that there had been a change between the two friends. Or whatever the fuck they were now.

Rob wasn’t gay. Nate knew this. But he was pretty sure this “no gay” policy ended when Ed entered into the picture. To Nate, it felt bizarrely incestuous. Hell, Ed played in their fucking kiddie pool when he was 9. It just felt… weird.

Not that there was anything going on, mind you. Nate couldn’t deal with that, and he would challenge anyone who would dare tell him such a mentality was unhealthy. He could barely think about Rob doing anything sexual, let alone with a guy. Especially a guy named Ed who used to sleep over and cried every time they watched An American Tail and probably still wore footie pajamas. It was too weird. Nate was pretty sure thinking about it would give him an aneurism and he knew those things weren’t healthy. Repression was better than death from his own brain committing suicide.

Of course, Nate reasoned he wasn’t the only one to see that things had changed between his brother and his friend. But then again, Rob and Ed had always been on the weird side, so Nate hoped against hope that no one else suspected anything. Maybe everyone saw the blushing and nervousness and that stupid, sickeningly pleased grin on Ed’s face as Ed and Rob just being weird, as usual. That wacky pair.

Besides, if anyone thought Rob was a fag, Nate would have definitely been the one to hear it. It seemed most people were afraid of his big brother…. Nate couldn’t really blame them. Though not formidable in size, Rob’s erratic mood swings and apparent lack of sense when it came to his own strength were enough to make people wary of messing with him. Nate just saw the ranting and random outbursts as Rob being, well, Rob. Others saw it as Rob being insane. To each his own, Nate reasoned.

Nate, on the other hand, was neither formidable in size or general erratic behavior. Still on the short side with a chest that went more in than out, he was skinny and small and painfully aware of it. Especially since most of the bigger boys (and there were many) seemed hell-bent on helping him remember this fact. And any problems they had with Rob were almost indefinitely taken out on his younger, scrawny brother.

Nate knew he should just take it. But it was hard, just bending over for these assholes. Of course, mouthing off resulted in more pain but such logical reasoning was lost on Nate. “You insult me, I insult back,” was his motto… however destructive it might have been to his physical person.

“Hey, hey Nate! Hey man!” Sighing, Nate turned to see Dane jogging up to him.

“What’s up?” Nate said, trying to sound amicable rather than irritated.

“Dude, some guys are looking for you,” Dane told him excitedly, seeming much too pleased with his friend’s imminent pain.

Paling, Nate shrugged on his backpack. “Uh, what guys?”

“Some seniors. They were yelling something about your brother, so I came to find you.” Glancing over his shoulder, Dane suddenly clasped his arm. “Well man, it was nice knowing you. Bye!” And with that, he darted off.

Feeling his heart sink, Nate scowled at the place where Dane once stood. Some fucking friend.

“CORDDRY!”

Somehow, his heart sank even more. Lord Almighty.

“Yes?” he asked coolly, turning around slowly to find himself facing squarely into the burly chest of a much taller senior male. Nate didn’t even recognize him. Figures.

“Corddry, I hear your brother’s a fag,” the older boy smirked, looking pleased with his statement of the fucking obvious.

“Yeah, well, you’re the expert so I guess you’d know,” Nate blurted out. Fuck. Damn, shit, motherfucker. Now he was dead. Stupid mouth.

“What’d you say, you little turdfucker?” The gargantuan man-boy leaned over him menacingly, his tiny eyes in his pin head narrowing dangerously. Shit.

“Sorry, do I need to talk slower?” Shut up, shut up. “I said ‘you’re the expert.’”

“You little asshole faggot,” the bigger boy hissed, grabbing a fistful of Nate’s shirt. His cronies laughed evilly beside him. Nate was going to actually die. And so young too.

“Oh, so you’re going to kick the shit out of a kid four years younger than you and who’s a third your size?” Shut up. “Impressive.” SHUT. UP. “Way to assert your manliness.”

“I’m going to fucking…”

Luckily, Nate never discovered what followed that “fucking” because at that moment someone cleared their throat in an authoritative manner behind the group of ruffians, causing them all to start and turn around.

“Problem boys?” Mr. Seinfeld asked amiably, raising an eyebrow that implied he knew exactly what the problem was.

Slowly unclamping his fist from the death hold it had on Nate’s shirt, the thug backed away and set a fake smile on his face. “No, no problem at all, Mr. Seinfeld,” he crooned sweetly, making Nate want to gag.

“Really? Because to me it looked like you were just about to beat the shit out of our friend here and calling him a… well, I won’t repeat it because that’s just offensive, isn’t it?” Seinfeld mimicked the boy’s tone, his smile tight and his eyes flashing.

Face falling a bit, the bigger young man glanced at Nate before too-firmly patting him on the back, causing the smaller boy to choke and begin coughing. “Just helping out the underclassmen, sir,” he answered, his smile growing tense. “Right Corddry?”

Nate simply shot him a glare before shrugging. “Whatever. I have class.”

Having no more reason to stay, he tore himself away from the group and sped as fast as he could towards chemistry. Once he was a safe distance away, he glanced back at Seinfeld who was continuing to reprimand the older boys. Nate knew he would pay for it later but he still gave the teacher a grateful look when he happened to glance up from the thugs. Seinfeld merely gave him the smallest of smiles before returning to his task.

“Nate!”

“Jesus!” Nate cried, nearly colliding with his friend as he jumped out of the corner he had been hiding in. “Thanks for fucking leaving me,” he muttered, continuing to walk once he and Dane had sorted themselves out.

“Hey man, survival of the fittest,” Dane laughed, as if Nate hadn’t almost just died for the second time that week.

“Or the fucking fastest,” Nate growled, shaking his head. “You ran! You ran away! Some friend.”

“Hey, I can’t be blamed for my actions. You would have done the same.”

They both knew, of course, that this was a lie. But Nate didn’t say anything and neither did Dane.

“So… is your brother really gay?”

“What?!” Nate spun and glared at Dane. “Are you fucking… God, you’re an idiot.”

“What? I was just asking,” Dane huffed as they entered their classroom. Nate merely shot him another look before plopping down in his chair.

Class began and as Rocca was saying something about hydrogen and tubing or something, Nate felt an uneasy sense wash over him that someone was staring at him. Sitting up a little straighter, he slowly turned his head around to nonchalantly survey the room. To his surprise, a boy with brown hair falling in his face was gazing at him and smiling slightly. Nate glanced around himself, looking to see if the other boy could be staring at anyone else to discover that there was no one close enough to him. He raised his eyebrows at the boy but got no reaction… he just kept staring.

Elbowing Dane slightly, he gestured to the boy. “Dude… what the hell?”

Looking back for a moment, Dane grinned before returning to drawing naked women on his notebook. Horribly anatomically incorrect women, by the look of things. Didn’t Dane have sisters?

“Maybe he’s gay for you,” he whispered, chuckling at his own cleverness.

Nate narrowed his eyes and sent one more look back at the boy who flashed a grin before setting his eyes back down on his notebook. “Na,” Nate murmured, taking notes again.

“Alright class!” Rocca suddenly declared, clapping his hands together before coughing at the cloud of chalk dust the action produced. “Ahem, excuse me,” he choked once he had recovered. “We’re going to be doing a lab, so pair up with someone!”

Nate immediately looked to his left but, to his dismay, found Dane making eyes with some blond a few rows up. He pointed from himself to her, mouthing smarmily, “me? You?” When she nodded her pretty head, Nate knew his friend was lost.

Then he felt a small tap on his shoulder and he found himself turning around to look up at the brown-haired boy.

“Need a partner?” he asked, smiling a sort of dreamy way.

“Er,” Nate said, glancing at Dane who had torn himself away from the blond to leer at them. “I, uh… I guess so?”

“Name’s Demetri,” the kid said, extending a hand. What teenage boy shook hands?

“Uh,” Nate awkwardly took the proffered hand and shook it. “I’m Nate. That’s Dane.”

“Yo,” Dane said, looking the boy up and down with a raised eyebrow before giving Nate a look.

Getting to his feet, he walked uncomfortably with the other boy to one of the tables in the back. He glanced back to see Dane make a rude gesture before miming an intense make out session with himself and cackling. Giving him the finger, Nate turned back to the table.

“So, uh, you from another district or something?” he asked his now lab partner, rubbing the back of his neck nervously as the other boy busied himself with setting up the equipment.

“No, I was homeschooled until last year,” Demetri replied, offering him that sleepy smile again. “But you know, not like… homeschooled-homeschooled. Just homeschooled.”

Nate nodded though he was fairly confident he had no clue as to what they were talking about. “Uh, really? That’s… interesting.”

“Yeah, I got sick a lot as a kid. Asthma, allergies, anxiety, brittle bones, gonorrhea, the works.”

Nate nodded absently again, attempting to read the ten-page thick pamphlet before him. He didn’t understand half the shit on there. “Mm, that sucks.”

Demetri just smiled again.

Wait… what did he say?

Nate snapped up his head to find Demetri grinning lazily at him. “Hang on… you had…?”

“Gotcha,” the other boys said, snapping his fingers and picking up the goggles to latch onto his face. He looked oddly at home in this environment… he was wearing a fucking sweater vest of all things. Nate was pretty sure sweater-vest-wearing types were required to be good at science and most likely had an affinity for chess.

Nate offered him a weak smile, feeling like his long day had suddenly gotten much longer. “Ahaha… ha…” he laughed feebly, feeling insanely awkward and putting on his own goggles.

“So, I saw you with those guys before class,” Demetri said nonchalantly after a moment of them trying to figure out what the complicated mess before them could mean.

Nate furrowed his brow and looked up. “Uh, what guys?”

“The big assfucks who cornered you,” the odd boy answered easily, propping up some of the glass tubing on the metal pliers before them. Nate repressed a smile at hearing him curse.

“Oh, saw that did you?” he asked, attempting to go along with the odd line of conversation.

“Yeah, saw your friend take off so I decided to stay and see what happened.”

There was no apology for not aiding him… just an explanation for how he saw the whole thing. Nate wasn’t sure how to respond but he found Demetri’s tone oddly refreshing compared to the usual bullshit people his age seemed so apt at dishing out.

“Oh… uh… yeah,” he replied uneasily, fumbling with the nozzle that was supposed to shoot out fire. In his humble opinion, he thought that it was foolish to make something that produced flames so flexible yet uncontrollable. Especially as he almost lit his hair aflame. He nervously eyed Rocca as he made his weaving way around the tables, offering help that was almost immediately declined by his wary students.

“You were impressive,” Demetri remarked, fluidly taking the nozzle from Nate’s hands and maneuvering it in the correct position in a few quick seconds. Nate found himself marveling for a moment… the guy was almost cat-like in his movements and lazy smiling.

“Wait… what?” he asked, realizing he hadn’t been listening.

“You. You were impressive,” the mousey-haired boy stated again. “I mean, you’re not that big and those guys were huge yet you basically called them gay.” He chuckled as Nate just stared at him with wide eyes. “That took some biiiiig cajones.”

“Um, thank you?” Nate shoved the crucible into some piping which Demetri calmly removed and placed in the right position.

“So what’s with your friend?”

Nate furrowed his brow as he measured out the liquid before him. He had no idea what it was or how much there was supposed to be but desperately wanted to have something to do with his hands. “Who? Dane?”

Demetri nodded, the small smile leaving his face for the first time. “Yeah, what’s his deal?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, he’s kind of a dick if he’s your friend and he didn’t help you.”

Nate paused. The guy had a point… even if it was said in a weirdly blunt way.

“Dane’s… Dane,” Nate offered weakly. “I mean, he is who he is.”

The smile returned to Demetri’s face, making Nate uncomfortable yet again. “You’re a good person.”

Feeling his ears burn, Nate looked down and gave a half-shrug. “Thanks,” he murmured, erasing something in order to busy his hands.

Suddenly everyone jumped as a shriek rang out across the room. Nate looked up to see Dane gaping in rapt horror as his lab partner’s hair set ablaze. Apparently, from Mr. Rocca’s panicked expression, the pair had accepted the teacher’s help.

“Oh JESUS CHRIST!” the man was yelling, grabbing the poor, hapless girl by the arm and shoving her over to the other side of the room as she screeched in fear. “I can’t believe this is happening again!”

Dane stayed glued to his seat, looking shell-shocked. Demetri looked immensely amused as he stood next to a very anxious Nate, who watched in horror as their teacher shoved the girl under what looked like a showerhead and pulled the chain next to it.

However, instead of a normal spray of water coming out of the fixture, it appeared that the plumbing was hooked directly to Niagara Falls as a huge gush flowed forth.

Mouth dropping open, Nate could only stare as the unfortunate girl became absolutely drenched to the bone; shaking like a drowned Chihuahua as the mascara ran down her face and her shirt clung to her body.

A silence filled the room as everyone gaped at the scene before them. Rocca was clutching a fire blanket and panting, looking relieved that another student hadn’t been condemned to an early death. The silence continued until the girl finally broke out into loud sobs and ran from the room, leaving a startled quiet in her wake. Rocca soon followed her out, calling, “Ms. Coulter! Ms. Coulter! PLEASE DON’T TELL O’REILLY ABOUT THIS!”

Once they were both calm, Nate shakily found his way to his chair and sat down heavily. “Fucking hell,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair.

Demetri suddenly appeared next to him, backpack on. “So, I think class is over. Wanna head out?”

Nate gaped up at him. “She… what the…”

“Yeah, I know. Hopefully Rocca gets to keep his job,” Demetri answered, still smiling and beginning to walk out the door. “Coming?”

Blinking a few times, Nate reached for his backpack and stood to follow the other boy. “Okay…” He gave Dane a small shrug as the other boy was still staring into space looking traumatized.

Shaking his head, Nate headed out the door.



~~~~~~~~~~





“I think something happened,” Steve murmured over his coffee cup, shooting Jerry a significant look.

Confused for a moment, the other teacher stared open-mouthed about the room until his eyes landed on the pair of British men. The two were in the corner on the far side of the room, sharing small smiles and almost, well… glowing.

Jerry felt ill for a second… he was such a dick. Now it was pretty obvious John, his good friend of many years, was in fact gay. He wasn’t sure what had upset him so much before and that lack of self-awareness brought up unpleasant feelings of doubt at himself as a person. Who gets their panties in a twist when their friend seems to be doing something that makes them happy, even if they happen to be doing another man? Maybe Steve was right. Maybe he was homophobic and just never realized it.

“You think… you think last night went well?” he asked his friend quietly.

Steve raised an eyebrow at him before casting a glance to the corner again. “From the looks of it, yes. Of course, you could always ask John yourself.”

Jerry sighed, rubbing his eyes. “I am such a dick,” he muttered, reiterating his earlier thought before sighing again.

Steve gave him a wry look before smiling slightly. “You’re not a dick,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “You were acting like one, but believe it or not you are an overall good person.”

“An overall good person with dick tendencies,” Jerry muttered darkly, closing his eyes in annoyance at himself.

“Speaking of those dick tendencies,” Steve smiled, “what exactly came over you the other day?”

“I… I don’t know.” Shaking his head in frustration, Jerry picked up his coffee cup and started peeling away the edge of the top.

“Really?” Jerry looked up to see a dry smile on Steve’s face as he took another sip from his cup.

“I… I’m not that sure,” he stuttered out, looking at his hands. “It’s just like… I know that John doesn’t talk all that much about his personal life but then he’s all ‘hey! Look at me and my gayness!’ and it caught me off-guard.” Steve remained silent. “I guess it just… it hurt my feelings, okay? You happy?”

Steve pressed his lips together and raised an eyebrow again. “Overjoyed.”

Jerry narrowed his eyes at him and snorted. “Fine, fine. I mean, couldn’t he have shared this with us earlier? I go through the fucking tear-my-heart-out, leave-no-survivors divorce of the century and he was there throughout all of it. Yet, does he tell me? Noooo.” He sighed again and dug the heels of his hands into his eyeballs. “Again, I’m a dick.”

Steve just shook his head, a kind smile spreading over his face. “No, you’re not. You’re just bitter and mean.”

Jerry laughed outright at this and stuck his tongue out. “Pot calling the kettle black,” he sang, raising his eyebrows and leaning back in his chair. At Steve’s silence, he sighed again and rocked back to rest on all four legs of his chair. “I should apologize, shouldn’t I?”

Steve shrugged nonchalantly, pretending to look at the paper before him. “I fear saying ‘duh’ might be too harsh, so I’ll settle on saying it’s up to you.”

Jerry pushed himself heavily away from the table and bowed to Steve. “Thank you, Sensei. You have taught me the error of my ways.”

Steve raised his hand in benediction and lowered his head. “Go well, young grasshopper. You become great man yet.”

Jerry chuckled and backed away, making his way toward where John and Dave were huddled in their corner.

“Uh, sorry to interrupt…” he said awkwardly, ducking his head like a small child.

John glanced up, a cloud passing over his face before he set his mouth into a strained smile. “Jerry,” he said uneasily in greeting. “How’re you today? You know Dave, right?” There was glint of defiance in his eyes as he peered up to gauge his friend’s reaction.

“Of course, nice to meet you finally,” Jerry replied in what he hoped was a gracious matter before shaking Dave’s hand. “You’re joining us tonight, right?”

Dave shot John a quick look, to which John raised his eyebrows and shrugged. “Yeah, if that’s alright with you lot.”

“We’d be delighted to have you,” Jerry answered, hoping to God he sounded sincere. John could have done without looking so shocked.

“Well,” Dave was saying, a big grin spreading over his face, “thank you! I’m looking forward to it.”

Jerry smiled before tilting his head again, looking sheepish. “Hey, mind if I borrow my friend for a moment? I need to explain to him that me being an asshole is a medical condition.”

John pursed his lips as Dave laughed and nodded. “Yeah, of course, go on ahead.”

“John?” Jerry asked, pleading with him with his eyes.

After a second of silence, the other man nodded and got up to join Jerry as he walked out into the hall.

“Listen, Jerry, I—"

“John, please let me apologize,” Jerry cut him off. “I was a dick and it was completely undeserved. Any friend of yours is a friend of mine.”

“Well…” John worried his bottom lip and scuffed a shoe on the tiling. “I was going to tell you to stop being a whinging bastard and accept the fact that it’s not that big a deal, but I suppose just forgiving you will do.”

Jerry grinned. “You sure?”

John rolled his eyes and sighed before grinning back. “Don’t be a sod. Of course.”

Suddenly their reverie was interrupted by a soaking wet girl running screaming and crying down the hall, followed closely by Mo Rocca who was waving some sort of blanket and calling, “Ms. Coulter, we can work this out! MR. O’REILLY DOESN’T NEED TO KNOW!”

Both men watched the procession in silence until all that was left was a trail of water on the floor.

“Well, that’s bound to be an interesting story later,” John remarked before swinging open the door.

Jerry just grinned and followed.



~~~~~~~~~




Nate was staring out into the parking lot as Demetri rambled on about something next to him. He didn’t seem to need any reaction… at the moment he was talking about something where bats and cats should hang out together because that’s what everything that rhymes should do. Nate wasn’t even pretending to understand or listen.

Demetri had been following him around that entire afternoon since their chemistry class had quite literally gone up in smoke and Nate was beginning to get a sinking feeling that the behavior felt quite familiar. Ignoring the other boy waxing poetical about the wonders of cobalt, Nate thought for a moment. Why did this feel so damn familiar?

The blood draining from his face, Nate slowly turned and observed this new person in his life. You know who would wear sweater vests? Ed. You know who would ramble about nothing? Ed. You know who would follow a Corddry around with a stupid smile on his face? ED.

Holy shit. He had found his own Ed.

“Oh my God,” he breathed, eyes widening in horror.

Demetri paused and tilted his head at the other boy. Put glasses on him and he’d be like… the indie form of Ed. Oh dear God. “What?” he asked innocently, looking confused and amused. Why was he always so amused?

“I am not my brother, okay?!” Nate suddenly found himself yelling, startling the pigeons that had thought it was safe to settle near them.

“I… what?” For the first time that day, Nate appeared to have made Demetri speechless. The mousy-haired boy reached out a hand in concern to which Nate recoiled in terror.

“I DON’T NEED AN ED!”

Unfortunately, it seemed that the whole school had decided to come outside at that very moment, obviously following the siren call of seeing Nate humiliated. Of course, he ignored the obvious fact that the bell had rang but, then again, he was in the middle of freaking out.

“Nate, what… are you okay?”

“I DON’T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU!” Nate found himself shrieking. “I’M NOT GAY!”

Demetri then had the nerve to actually let his smile come back. “I wasn’t aware that was on the table,” he said good-naturedly.

“I AM NOT ROB, AND I DON’T NEED SOME GUY FOR…”

It was then, as his mouth was open to declare just what exactly he didn’t need Demetri for, he realized just what person he was acting like… a person who would stand in the middle of a crowd and shout nonsensical crap in such a hysterical way.

Dear God...

He was Rob.

With a strangled cry, Nate suddenly bolted, running wildly and almost crashing into the small group of people that had gathered around to witness his descent into insanity.

He heard a faint call behind him which he barely registered:

“I’ll see you Monday then!”

Hitting his head on a low-hanging tree branch, Nate had the faint sense that his high school career was going to be much different than he had anticipated before blackness reined as he made contact with the ground.




TO BE CONTINUED?!?!

...yes.



Tune in next time for the party (finally), a trip to the bar, and everything in between.




ENDNOTE: Yes, I did set Ann Coulter on fire. I would do it again… especially in real life.





Disclaimer: Any similarity between the fictional version of the person portrayed here and the actual persons is purely coincidental. This is a work of fiction. This is not an attempt to defame the character of said person on the basis of libel, as the work is FICTIONAL (and NOT an intently false statement created with the express purpose of misleading others about the actual character of said person).

Any mention of 'The Daily Show', 'The Colbert Report', 'Viacom', any associated entities, or any copyrighted material pertaining therein is reasonably protected by the Fair Use Rule of the United States Copyright Act of 1976 and is not intended to infringe upon any copyrighted material.
Comments 
21st-Mar-2007 02:19 am (UTC)
OMG this fic was awesome, I was laughing hysterically all the way through it.

The best way to describe this fic is with a quote from one of my roommates...while I was reading this she knocked on my door and said "Colleen are you ok in there?...Do you want a cookie?" which just sent me further into my fit of laughing.
21st-Mar-2007 07:06 pm (UTC)
ah I just read it again and the awesomeness kills me. Ann Coulter on fire, nate being rob /dimitri being ed! This chapter wins the internets and a pint of americone dream, but you can only collect your prizes if the next chapter is up soon as I'm dying for it already XD
21st-Mar-2007 02:37 am (UTC)
SO AMAZING! This series just keeps getting better and better!

And OMG DEMETRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!! *squee* I've been wanting for him so anxiously! And you made him wear a sweater vest which is beyond incredible! You know what I think about vests? I think they're all about protection. And sweater vests protect you from pretty girls. Leave me alone, can't you see I'm cold just right here? There's a narrow cold front sweeping through Chicago - dress appropriately. ...Okay, I'm done.

Uh, basically, you're super cool.
21st-Mar-2007 02:38 am (UTC)
Hahaha, *waiting* not wanting. Go me.
21st-Mar-2007 02:39 am (UTC)
MUAHAHAHAHA..COULTER'S ON FIRE!! Go Mo!!.
Also, I love how Nate is Rob..he really is. With the weird circular thinking and the slow conclusions and of course, the irrational screaming..
*giggle*
This is too good...And the jerry/John part was sweet..and Jerry is coming around, isn't he? He should hurry the hell up *cough*andgetitonwithSteve*cough*
I missed Jon though..but I'll wait for him..*sits at the corner waiting*
21st-Mar-2007 07:19 pm (UTC)
COULTER'S ON FIRE

I pictured that being sung like "the roof is on fire!" with Jon doing a dance. The insides of my brain are made of weirdness.

Picturing Nate screaming hysterically in the middle of a parking lot before crashing into a tree was too much for me to resist.

Jerry is indeed coming around... and mayhaps there is more to his homophobic flare-up than him just being upset with John for not telling him. Could he be... REPRESSING SOMETHING?? Bwahahahah.

Oh, Jon's in the next chapter. Worry not. I've already written like... a quarter of it. Weeee.

THANKS FOR READING! Oh, and your icon cracks me up everytime I see it. It's like "Jon, does that really belong in your mouth? Bad boy."
21st-Mar-2007 02:57 am (UTC)
Oh you own my soul. I've run out of ways to express my love for this story. I ran out of ways as soon as I encountered your awesomeness in Part 1. Like I said, you own my soul. This story is the shit. I'm dying for more.
21st-Mar-2007 07:22 pm (UTC)
I'll treat your soul well, now that I own it. *cue evil laugh that brings up serious misgivings about aforementioned statement*

More is on the way! I just wrote like... 5 pages so hopefully the next chapter will be up soon.
21st-Mar-2007 03:11 am (UTC)
YOU ARE MY HERO.

ANN COULTER ON FIRE! WOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

WHEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

THIS STORY PWNS MY LIFE!

HAHAHA! NATE FOUND HIS ED! DEMETRI/NATE= SQUEALS OF *AWWWW*
21st-Mar-2007 07:25 pm (UTC)
Hahaha, your enthusiasm warms my soul. And your icon is hella hawt. Rar soldier!Jon.

THANKS FOR READIIIIING!
21st-Mar-2007 03:46 am (UTC)
Okay, so I'm not going to lie - I took one look at the header for this fic, back when you started posting it, and basically did the internet equivalent of running screaming in the opposite direction. So I refused to read it. And I refused to read it. And then I got kind of ... curious. And then I realized it was a losing battle and read it from start to this part in one sitting.

It's really fucking awesome. I am deeply entertained by all of it. I can't wait for the next part.
21st-Mar-2007 07:31 pm (UTC)
I knew right off the bat that the fact that this is an AU high school fic was going to drive certain people away... I just hoped that by flooding the community with chapters I would break people down and they would cave and finally read it.

AND IT WORKED! For you, anyway. Bwahahahaha, I knew my evil plan would succeed!

But seriously, thanks for giving it a chance. Hard-earned approval is the best kind. WOO YAY YOU!
21st-Mar-2007 04:07 am (UTC)
I love your Nate so much! Hahaha in my mind, this factors largely into his "Showing them...showing them all". And Demetri is just perfect! AND YOU SET COULTER'S HEAD ON FIRE!

Fave line: he realized just what person he was acting like… a person who would stand in the middle of a crowd and shout nonsensical crap in such a hysterical way.

Dear God...

He was Rob.


Had me rofling to no end!
21st-Mar-2007 07:35 pm (UTC)
I'm kind of in love with Nate too... which is lame since I'm in love with my characterization of him. The Ann Coulter thing was kind of random because I had Dane hitting on some blond chick and then I set her on fired... and I was like "huh, who's famous and blond? And most importantly, who's famous and blond and deserves to be set on fire? OMG ANN COULTER LOLZ!!!1!"

Haha,I'm fond of that line too. Thanks for reading!
21st-Mar-2007 04:44 am (UTC)
*high fives you*

You set Ann Coulter on fire. For that, I love you forever. If only it could happen in real life...fucking bitch.

Okay, I *loves* your Nate, he's so fucking adorable and so Nate. I base that assumption of course on the little I've seen of him on TDS, and the lot I've seen of him on Studio 60, but you're right on the money. He's a little Rob, but not, but he kinda is, but he's his own person too damnit, AND HE HAS HAIR!


I love Nate too much.

Also loving Demetri. So fucking adorable and not swayed by anything. I think I want to marry him. And squee for John/Dave, they make me happy in the awkward English sense. Oh, oh! And your Jerry! I love him too! Eee!

But finally, the scene stealer is Mr Mo Rocca. Oh man, he's too awesome. Gah, I love this story!!! I LOVE IT SO MUCH!


*fangirls*


Yeah, okay, back to my homework..
21st-Mar-2007 07:44 pm (UTC)
I volunteer for the job of doing so. She's on my list of people I have to punch in the face if I ever meet them in real life. Except Paris Hilton is on the top of that list, so if I ever met them both at the same time... well, my head would probably explode from hate but then I'd have to go all "HIYA, NINJA-TIME" on their asses.

Yay, you understand all that is Nate! I'm glad you got the similarities and differences between him and Rob. Hooraaaaaay.

I enjoy writing Mo way too much. With all the flailing and accident-proneness. Wee.

*fangirls back*

THANKS FOR READING!!!

Oh, and PS... your icon reminds me of Conan. Have you ever seen Celebrity Secrets? Well, I picture them both going on it and being Stephen being like "Yeah, our secret? WE'RE TOTALLY DOING IT!" And then they make out. Wee... I've gone to happy places now.
21st-Mar-2007 04:46 am (UTC)
I just wanted to say that I absolutely adore this story :) And I love the idea of Demetri being the Ed to Nate's Rob, haha. Can't wait for the next bit!
21st-Mar-2007 07:45 pm (UTC)
Guess what? I absolutely adore YOU. The next bit is being worked on. Thanks for reading!
21st-Mar-2007 05:06 am (UTC)
This fanfic totally pwns.

I felt bad for the girl, until I realized it was Ann Coulter. AND THEN I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF. You are win.

I just love this fic. All the ghey, all the... awesomeness! Can we get more overly sexually explicit ghey in here? John Oliver/the gay partner guy, perhaps, or Rob/Ed, or... fuck, anyone. XD I'm so bad.
21st-Mar-2007 07:51 pm (UTC)
Yay, I'm glad it made you laugh! Maybe Ann won't be that psychotic. Of course, who am I kidding? She's a hard character to make sympathetic.

Man, you want me to write porn? I feel like I suck at it... but I'll try soon. It most likely will be Rob/Ed since that seems to make the most sense story line wise. I still feel like I suck at explicitness. It makes me all "oh, garsh," and pathetically bashful.
21st-Mar-2007 06:12 am (UTC)
Typo: "friend of your’s" should be "friend of yours".

This story continues to dazzle. Oh, Demetri. Oh, setting Ann Coulter on fire.
21st-Mar-2007 07:54 pm (UTC)
Dammit. Apostrophe placement is the devil. I remember pausing over that and questioning it before just shrugging it off. Damn grammar!

Yay, thanks for reading! I love comments. They make me squee.
(Deleted comment)
21st-Mar-2007 07:58 pm (UTC)
Demetri is serious love. Thanks for reading! And I agree with your icon.. it is the OTP.
21st-Mar-2007 07:36 am (UTC)
Heeeee, I love Nate and Demetri, that's awesome :) I love this fic as well, i'm sorry I haven't commented before. The whole thing is fantastic :D
21st-Mar-2007 08:04 pm (UTC)
You're forgiven since your comment is so enthusiastic :-)

But seriously, thanks for reading! It does my heart good.
(Deleted comment)
21st-Mar-2007 08:07 pm (UTC)
*loves you back*

She deserves it.

Thanks for reading!!!!!!!
21st-Mar-2007 12:11 pm (UTC)
Mo! Mo Rocca! Wheeee!

Fangirly squee aside, great and funny chapter as always. I must admit, I missed some Jon/Stephen in this chapter, but I loved this anyway and it was hilarious!! And your dialogue is just the best evah.
"I DON’T NEED AN ED!"
Heee! How could one say no to an Ed? Srsly.

Please tell me that you'll post more soon? Pleeeaaaaseeeeee?

And... and... you set Ann Coulter on fire... I'm prolly going to hell for saying this, but... Whoohoooo!
21st-Mar-2007 08:17 pm (UTC)
Well, I can't promise that Jon/Stephen will happen in the next chapter but both will be at least featured seperately. Thanks for complimenting my dialogue! I get paranoid sometimes that it's getting stale.

Who wouldn't want their own Ed? Nate can only fight the love for so long. He'll cave, mark my words. He'll cave.

More is coming... I already wrote 5 pages, I just need to figure out where to go from there.

Haha, well since everyone seems to be celebrating her misfortune at least you'll be down in hell in good company. Thanks for reading!
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