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Reject Reality: Embrace the Absurd
I am but mad north by northwest...
The News Today 
Aretha Putin
'allo! So after yet another attack of panicky paranoia, I've decided to f-lock the majority of this journal.

Therefore...

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So go ahead, leave me some love and we'll see if you pass the test.



PS. There really isn't a test.


PPS. All fics will remain public. Just fyi.



FO banner made by jiyu_gurafikkus.
Aretha Putin
Title: The Time Traveler’s Doctor (Chapter Four)
Author: Krista or smilesawakeyou
Fandom: Sherlock (BBC)
Pairing: Sherlock/John (eventually)
Rating: PG-13 (R later) for mentions of underage sex, some cursing
Warning(s): Unbeta-ed and unBritpicked, as per usual. Also, there are mentions of death and bullying.
Disclaimer: Sherlock Holmes (the proper one) belongs to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the newest rendition of Sherlock belongs to Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss and The Time Traveler’s Wife belongs to Audrey Niffenegger. I’m sure they all have a bit more money than me so please don’t sue. I’m also sure that if they ever became aware of this little project, they may be prone to rolling in their graves (or beds, where appropriate) due to my maiming of their characters/ideas/basic premises.
Author's Notes: Some of the details concerning time travel are different from Niffenegger’s book. I moved rather unexpectedly and forgot to keep posting this. Whoopsie-doodles! This chapter gets more into the nitty gritty of the plot. In summary… stuff happens! Yaaaaay.
Length: around 4000
Summary: Sherlock Holmes and the curious case of becoming unstuck in time.


Chapter One
Chapters Two and Three

That’s the difficulty of time travel… there’s no hard science to it. Chemistry has rules; all the great minds that focused on time travel seem to go a bit soft or just plain mad when it comes to paradoxes. It’s all just theoretical. Until me, that is.Collapse )
MST3K: touch yourself
Title: The Time Traveler’s Doctor (Chapters Two and Three)
Author: Krista or smilesawakeyou
Fandom: Sherlock (BBC)
Pairing: Sherlock/John (eventually)
Rating: PG (later R or higher if I can be bothered) for some language
Warning(s): Unbeta-ed and unBritpicked, as per usual. Also, there are mentions of death and bullying.
Disclaimer: Sherlock Holmes (the proper one) belongs to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the newest rendition of Sherlock belongs to Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss and The Time Traveler’s Wife belongs to Audrey Niffenegger. I’m sure they all have a bit more money than me so please don’t sue. However, I’m also sure that if they ever became aware of this little project, they may be prone to rolling in their graves (or beds, where appropriate) due to my maiming of their characters/ideas/basic premises.
Author's Notes: Some of the details concerning time travel are different from Niffenegger’s book. I’ve decided to post two chapters together since the great DDOS fuckery on livejournal messed up my schedule for posting. Also they sort of work together, so there’s that.
Length: around 2500
Summary: Sherlock Holmes and the curious case of becoming unstuck in time.


Chapter One

'No, I won’t tell you what ‘adept’ means. I know you must be able to read by now.'Collapse )
24th-Jul-2011 10:54 pm - The Time Traveler's Doctor
Aretha Putin
Title: The Time Traveler’s Doctor (Chapter One)
Author: Krista or smilesawakeyou
Fandom: Sherlock (BBC)
Pairing: Sherlock/John (eventually)
Rating: G (later R or higher if I can be bothered)
Disclaimer: Sherlock Holmes (the proper one) belongs to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the newest rendition of Sherlock belongs to Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss and The Time Traveler’s Wife belongs to Audrey Niffenegger. I’m sure they all have a bit more money than me so please don’t sue. However, I’m also sure that if they ever became aware of this little project, they may be prone to rolling in their graves (or beds, where appropriate) due to my maiming of their characters/ideas/basic premises.
Author's Notes: Some of the details concerning time travel are different from Niffenegger’s book. This is also the first fic I’ve written in, oh, two years. So be patient. With me, not with the posting. I plan on doing that quite a bit. Also, this was a one-shot that transformed into some sort of multi-chaptered monster so we’ll just call it a WIP until I decide to end it.
Length: 1320
Summary: Sherlock Holmes and the curious case of becoming unstuck in time.

'Hello,' said the man, his head tilting. 'You must be what I can only assume is a very small version of John Watson… if that jumper is anything to go by.'Collapse )
Elf: I LOVE YOOOOOU
SecretAdmirerAnonymeme




Now I must keep feeding my faaaaaaaaaace...
1st-Oct-2009 12:35 am - I made icons
BBT: Spoilers!
Dude, now there is not one, but TWO Roths I want inside me. And both are badasses. Who have been in kickass Tarantino movies.



In other words, I finally saw Basterds. I fucking love Tarantino. I mean, the man is so obviously not just an action director because half of the fucking movie was people just talking with all this intrigue and, dammit Quentin, you might look like Lady Elaine Fairchilde to me, but I'd still tap that like a snare drum.


In a fit of inspiration, I made some icons. They are shitty, as per usual, and pretty self-gratifying given the fact that I used some of the pictures I've taken. I should just invest in Photoshop but I think that takes away the sporting effort of my icon-making.



A preview:
Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket

Behind the cut, more Bear Jew, The Royal Tenenbaums, and my own pictures, featuring weird English translations, strange karaoke posters, graffiti, and pretentious artyness.Collapse )


If anyone has any other Basterds icons they'd like made, let me know. God knows they'll suck, but make them I shall.


In other news, here are my current birthday plans:
- After work Saturday, drink at lounges, pubs, and anywhere else laid back.
- Sunday, go to a Drag Brunch. Yes, that is what it sounds like. It combines two of my loves: French toast and fabulous men who dress like ladies. Oh, and alcohol... my third and truest love of all.
- After hanging out with the Queens, go see Zomblieland.
- Finish the day with an awkward dinner with the parents and my grandma. And hopefully some friends, if I can bribe any of them to come.


Ok, I really must go to bed. 14-hour workday tomorrow! EYYYYYY!
27th-Aug-2009 12:59 am - Every Spark (5/5)
FotC: mellow!bret
Title: Every Spark (5/5)
Author: Krista or smilesawakeyou
Fandom: Band of Brothers
Pairing/characters: Babe/Doc Roe (for real this time)
Rating: R for language and… other things
Disclaimer: I didn’t invent this show and I don’t propose to own it. Even if I did and you sued, all you would get is a shitty computer and my broken dreams. Anyway, I don’t so please leave me be. Also, this is meant to be based off of the characters of the HBO show, not the actual men themselves. So yeah... don't pitchfork me. Especially for this chapter. Oh God.
Author's Notes: Sorry for taking so long to get this one out. I sat on it for a while, forgot about it, remembered it, and then continued to sit on it. Anyway, there’s ACTUAL action in this chapter and, hopefully, a sense of resolution. Thanks to everyone who has been awesome about commenting, especially mutantjules because she’s my personal cheerleader and annakovsky for encouraging me to post it in the first place.
Length: 3894
Summary: Four times Babe Heffron and Eugene Roe almost collide and one time they do.

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4



Babe’s no genius but he can guess at what it means when Gene doesn’t elaborate. Suddenly the memory of a blue cloth tied around his hand comes to mind and Babe realizes a possible answer to a former mystery.Collapse )
6th-Aug-2009 03:02 pm - Writer's Block: I May Be Crazy
Watchmen: Badass Rory
What does this Rorschach blot look like to you?



A Balrog. See?





And thus my theory that Rorschach was actually a huge Tolkien geek is supported. You're welcome.
BB: Bernard is dying
Well, this weekend was quite interesting (and really fun for the most part), including a session of me trying to do my best impression of the Exorcist in Sam's car/bed/bathroom for the entirety of Saturday night due to me eating a bad cupcake. Yeah. A cupcake. Oh, baked goods, I knew you would betray me one day.



Anyway, I don't really feel like doing a real update due to the fact that I still kind of feel shitty, so here's this thing everyone and their mom is doing:

The "You Should Write..." Meme!
my thread here
19th-Jul-2009 12:41 am - Every Spark (4/5)
Firefly: Spetchul hat
Who needs a social life when you have fanfiction? Also, I'm still hungover. So I'm officially NOT lame. Or maybe I am. At least I'm a lame alcoholic? Hrm.



Title: Every Spark (4/5)
Author: Krista or smilesawakeyou
Fandom: Band of Brothers
Pairing/characters: Babe/Doc Roe (though mostly just UST) with an appearance of Webgott! Sort of. It’s mild. And… McClung is there! For some reason.
Rating: PG-13 for language and some disturbing imagery
Disclaimer: I didn’t invent this show and I don’t propose to own it. Even if I did and you sued, all you would get is a shitty computer and my broken dreams. Anyway, I don’t so please leave me be. Also, this is meant to be based off of the characters of the HBO show, not the actual men themselves. So yeah... don't pitchfork me.
Author's Notes: And here we have a longer chapter! With actual plot! It’s unheard of, I know. This chapter takes place during Why We Fight so, uh, be prepared for that. Anyway, thanks to everyone for leaving awesome feedback, I will be getting back to you (hopefully) soon. I hope you enjoy!
Length: 4053
Summary: Four times Babe Heffron and Eugene Roe almost collide and one time they do.

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3


Gene doesn’t say anything – he pauses for a moment before looking at Babe, his eyes searching his face as Babe tries to stand his ground and look intimidating and ignore the queasy feeling that fills his stomach as Gene’s gaze stays on him a beat too long.Collapse )
16th-Jul-2009 05:35 am - Writer's Block: 5//7//5
PB: Boooo
Sum up your day in the form of a haiku.



Oh, fickle sleeptime
My weary eyes cannot rest
Fuck this stupidness.
15th-Jul-2009 12:27 am - Every Spark (3/5)
Aretha Putin
Title: Every Spark (3/5)
Author: Krista or smilesawakeyou
Fandom: Band of Brothers
Pairing/characters: Kind of Babe/Doc Roe
Rating: PG-13 for language and some disturbing imagery
Disclaimer: I didn’t invent this show and I don’t propose to own it. Even if I did and you sued, all you would get is a shitty computer and my broken dreams. Anyway, I don’t so please leave me be. Also, this is meant to be based off of the characters of the HBO show, not the actual men themselves. So yeah... don't pitchfork me.
Author's Notes: Yet another chapter because it's already written so, hey, why not. This one takes place in Hagenau so it is of course kind of emo. And the plot thickens! Kind of. Well, at least there’s a rise in obvious UST. So yeah. Enjoy.
Length: 1138
Summary: Four times Babe Heffron and Eugene Roe almost collide and one time they do.

Chapter 1
Chapter 2


Hagenau is a world of pale watercolors; everything is washed-out and hazy and nothing feels right as they all try and hold onto some sanity after Bastogne.Collapse )
11th-Jul-2009 01:37 am - Every Spark (2/5)
BoB: Not a morning person
Title: Every Spark (2/5)
Author: Krista or smilesawakeyou
Fandom: Band of Brothers
Pairing/characters: Future Babe/Doc Roe
Rating: PG-13 for language and some disturbing imagery
Disclaimer: I didn’t invent this show and I don’t propose to own it. Even if I did and you sued, all you would get is a shitty computer and my broken dreams. Anyway, I don’t so please leave me be. Also, this is meant to be based off of the characters of the HBO show, not the actual men themselves. So yeah... don't pitchfork me.
Author's Notes: Hey again, here is the next chapter. I know it may appear that nothing continues to happen, but stuff totally is! Or something. Whatever, I prefer the slow-burn method. So enjoy.
Length: 1120
Summary: Four times Babe Heffron and Eugene Roe almost collide and one time they do.

Chapter 1


It reminds him of his grandmother and the Rosary she used to carry with her at all times; counting the beads over and over as they slipped through hands covered in paper-thin skin.Collapse )
6th-Jul-2009 09:28 pm - Every Spark (1/5)
BoB: cold Roe
Well, I guess I talked about this enough, huh? Time to post something.

Title: Every Spark (1/5)
Author: Krista or smilesawakeyou
Fandom: Band of Brothers
Pairing/characters: Future Babe/Doc Roe
Rating: PG-13 for language and some disturbing imagery
Disclaimer: I didn’t invent this show and I don’t propose to own it. Even if I did and you sued, all you would get is a shitty computer and my broken dreams. Anyway, I don’t so please leave me be. Also, this is meant to be based off of the characters of the HBO show, not the actual men themselves. So yeah... don't pitchfork me.
Author's Notes: Hello! This is my first BoB fic ever and it started out as a one-shot that has now spiraled into this… thing. Anyway, I mentioned that I was writing this to annakovsky and she was all “omg post it!” so I am (perhaps foolishly) listening to her. This is un-beta’d so any mistakes are my own and each chapter will be disproportionately larger than the last, because that’s how this bitch rolls. The title is stolen from an Arcade Fire song because I’ve been listening to them a lot and I doubt they’ll care that I poached a lyric off of them. So enjoy!
Length: 1531
Summary: Four times Babe Heffron and Doc Roe almost collide and one time they do.



It’s snowing and Babe Heffron can’t hear a damn thing.Collapse )
28th-May-2009 01:37 pm - An American Comic in London (2/?)
Spaced: buuuuuttsecks
Title: An American Comic in London (2/?)
Author: Yours truly
Fandom: The Daily Show/Spaced
Pairing: Tim Bisley/Jon Stewart, Brian Topp/John Oliver
Rating: R for language, drug use, and couch sexings
Warning: AU, crossover, drug use, complete weirdness but not really crack, and John Oliver actually being predatory.
A/N: Holy update, Batman! So basically I start this *incoherent mumble* ago and just recently got back into it. Soooo yes. It’s a crossover! There’s sex! And British men! And Star Wars! And the sweet ganja times. Anyway, big props to _lady_vanilla_ for not only partially inspiring this crazy ass venture but reading over my incoherency and informing me of when my Americaness was jumping out and yelling “Soccer! Elevators! The correct way of saying tomato!” thus ruining the whole effect. So enjoy and hopefully it won’t take me another *mumbles incoherently again* years to get the next chapter out.

Oh, right, and if you’re unfamiliar with Spaced, at least watch the first episode :)

Length: 5,279
Feedback: Please comment. I need to know if this is too stupid for life. Also, concrit welcome.
Summary: A story of battlebots, boring pubs, pot, Star Wars, misunderstandings, and unlikely relationships.

Chapter One


''Jon gets perverse pleasure from watching grown men cry,'' John said, slipping on his coat. ''I once saw him elbow a man in the eye just to get some tears out of him. Ruthless, he is. Plain ruthless.''Collapse )


Disclaimer: Any similarity between the fictional version of the person portrayed here and the actual persons or copyrighted fictional persons is purely coincidental. This is a work of fiction. This is not an attempt to defame the character of said person on the basis of libel, as the work is FICTIONAL (and NOT an intently false statement created with the express purpose of misleading others about the actual character of said person).

Any mention of 'The Daily Show', 'The Colbert Report', 'Viacom', ‘Spaced’, any associated entities, or any copyrighted material pertaining therein is reasonably protected by the Fair Use Rule of the United States Copyright Act of 1976 and is not intended to infringe upon any copyrighted material.
25th-May-2009 03:06 am(no subject)
It's Always Sunny: Cocoa Puffs and Nazi
So I'm laying on a blow-up mattress on the floor of my now barren apartment and you know what's the only thing I can think about? Chairs. How the hell and WHY the hell did we invent chairs? I mean, there's the ground. There's shit we can put on the ground so our asses don't get wet and then some lazy motherfucker who didn't like to bend over decided to invent the chair.

Note: this rambling may be brought on by the fact that I'm half-drunk, just watched West Wing for 3 hours and am exhausted. Are exhausted? Fuck grammar, it's for plebes and nerds.


In conclusion:



Lol. I like Kirk's look at the end. It reads, "Yeah, your sexy ass is excepted. Rawr."
18th-May-2009 02:42 pm - HEY GUYS
30 Rock: I CAN HAVE IT ALL!!!11!
DO THIS:
~*MOTHERFUCKING MULTI-FANDOM GODDAMN FRIENDING MEME*~


IF YOU ARE BORED LIKE I AM AND/OR LIKE JOY



Also, I have been watching this on repeat since it was re-brought to my attention by someone over at fnff:



Dear God, I want all of my fandoms to just exist in one giant vat of awesome like this all the time.

In other news: I WANT TO SEE STAR TREK AGAIN. Who's with me?
9th-May-2009 12:11 am - I enjoy my dorky happiness
The Office: Jim say WOOO
DUDES


I GOT METAQUOTED


CRACKAH SAY WHAAAAAT?


ALSO, MILES KAHN (aka one of the head producer/writer dudes for TDS) CONGRATULATED ME FOR BEING CLEVER ON TWITTER


MY LIFE: IS NOW COMPLETE




...Oh, right, and there's that small thing about graduating in just a few hours. What the whaaaat?
28th-Apr-2009 09:55 am - Writer's Block: Wild Life
SotD: Captain WOW
How long could you survive on your own in the wild?


An embarrassingly short amount of time. Shorter if there were any large insects involved in this "wild" experience because, as I was reminded this morning, bugs turn me into a flailing idiot who almost falls and breaks things in an effort to escape the harrowing dangers of a mosquito.






Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go and shoot myself in the face. *shakes a fist at the God of Finals*
21st-Apr-2009 10:49 pm - Queerly Beloved
BB: Laugh bitterly
And heeeere's the lgbtfest at long last! With only a half hour to spare. Hahahha, fail.


Title: Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace: The Gay Issue
Author: Krista or smilesawakeyou
Fandom: Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace
Pairing/characters: A veritable hodge-podge. Seriously, it’s just… stupid.
Rating: PG-13 for language
Disclaimer: I didn’t invent this show and I don’t propose to own it. Even if I did and you sued, all you would get is a shitty computer and my broken dreams. Anyway, I don’t so please leave me be.
Prompt: #629: Garth Marenghi's Darkplace, any characters, A lost episode of Darkplace dealing with what Garth referred to as "The Gay Issue." The fact that it is co-written by Dean Learner is, of course, completely coincidental.
Summary: Garth Marenghi and Dean Learner present the episode of Darkplace called “Queerly Beloved”, a truly monumental display of television ineptitude.
Warnings: None except for rampant homophobia and stereotypes
Author's Notes: If you’ve never seen Darkplace, this will make little-to-no sense. Hell, even if you HAVE seen it, it’ll probably make little-to-no sense. I apologize for how completely stupid this is… it was surprisingly difficult to write something purposefully bad. Or not purposefully bad. So yes, enjoy, and if you want to read yet haven’t watched the show, check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNfQ0ORwSDM



Adjusting his tie and shifting the book in his hand, Garth regarded the camera aimed at his handsome face.Collapse )
15th-Apr-2009 08:31 am(no subject)
Titanic: FAILBOAT
Dude, rosnguil has totally been hacked. What can I do to alert lj that this has happened? I'm just worried people will click on shit. Arghhhhh stupid fucking bullshit. It's such a tiny community as well! Wah :(
8th-Apr-2009 10:04 pm - Conerning LOST tonight...
MB: Flirtinis for everyone!
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BOO-FUCKING-YAKASHA

THAT IS HOW TELEVISION IS DONE, MOFOS.
25th-Mar-2009 03:11 am - Aaaaaugh
The Shining: Murder spree?!?!
Ok, so my period has come full force, like a blood-soaked tornado of DOOM.


To deal with it, I've decided to post more macros/things of silliness. And not do my writing. Boo.


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MOOOOARCollapse )


THE END!

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...Now I must go write some bullshit. *sigh*
24th-Mar-2009 10:27 pm - Writer's Block: Multimedia
It's Always Sunny: Evil!face Charlie
What is your favorite macro? Why?


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Need I explain why I adore this?



...Now I must go to die via studying. Again. Blaaaaaaaaaaargh :(
14th-Mar-2009 02:51 am - Watchmen icons
Aretha Putin
HAI GUYS I MADE ICONS LIKE I PROMISED. They are... cracky? Hahahaha I don't even know.

A SNEAK PEAK:

001
002
003




The rest under the cut.Collapse )


Should I post these in an icon community? y/y?
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